Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
