4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
smell my finger.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
