Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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