Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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