so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
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The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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