She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
