Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
