you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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