Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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