Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
