I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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