My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I am naked and annoyed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
