last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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