i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
