I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
