Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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