dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
should my penis look like a turkey
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I deserve this hangover.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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