I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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