I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
