He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
