Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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