um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
