Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
