my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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