So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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