What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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