he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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