I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
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i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
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I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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