My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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