I'm going to jail i love you
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
