I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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