Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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