I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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