I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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