Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
