I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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