The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina just clenched in fear
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
