hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
