My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
