so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
