I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
