I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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