I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
