walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
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I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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