You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this will be a night to untag.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
