dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
