You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
