Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
