Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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