listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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