You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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