I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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