I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
