goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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