i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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