i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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