walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
