so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
