hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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