I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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