He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
