O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
not ubering you a puppy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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