i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
