She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
