I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
