First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
