the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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