I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
