Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
