I'm lost and stupid without you.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
