If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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