Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
