Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
