Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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